SURVIVED MY TEENAGE YEARS
Last week, I celebrated my 20th birthday. As I finish my 19th year of living and learning (usually the hard way), I would like to reflect on who exactly Olivia Jackson is today. This past year I have grown more, not in height, but in lessons than I have any other year alive. I blew out the candles on a cupcake at my college’s sushi restaurant, last year for my 19th birthday, metaphorically at rock bottom. I wished to feel happy again. I mean that I wished to feel happy when I blew out my candles in the most cliche way. I prayed these candles would turn things around for me. (I know you aren’t usually supposed to share wishes or they won’t come true but this one already did.) As I look back on that moment, as my first group of college friends sang Happy Birthday, it feels like it was a pivotal moment. A core memory. I am not saying that day changed much. The few months that followed were filled with more ups and downs, disappointments and triumphs, love and heartbreak than before I blew out that one cheap candle. I enter my 20s as a completely different person. A better person. A stronger person. But more importantly a happier person. Here are the 19 lessons I learned from the past year, I wanted to share them with you. And if you have been along for the journey of the last few years, thank you. To my best friends who have held me while I cried and been there for my happiest days. To my mom who listened to me complain about the same thing a hundred times and accepted me never taking her advice. To the ones who peer-pressured me to get off my ass and go out. To every book I read, podcasts I listened to, and walk I went on. To everyone that made me laugh, cry, or a combination of both.
Getting caught up in the idea that healing is an endless and tiring process is normal. But it’s easier than you think. Every time you laugh or smile you are healing. Every time you listen to your body you are recovering. Every time something that used to hurt doesn't, you are healing. Every new friend, new song you listen to, and book you read is all a part of it. You don’t have to be making major and quick changes to be evolving and healing.
To follow number 1, sometimes YOU are the only one who sees this. Be your biggest fan! Celebrate yourself when you get up out of bed in the morning even though it was hard. You can be your own hero by celebrating the little thing in your life.
One of the greatest gifts I have in this world- is the ability to laugh at myself. Sometimes you just have to shrug it off as a good story. Life is boring if you don’t throw embarrassment in there a few times.
You don’t have to believe everything you think. You are not in complete control of your thoughts. Sometimes your thoughts are negative, dark, and grimy. Choose to not believe them. Choose to accept that thoughts come and go, and it is just moving through you.
Someone else’s success is not your failure.
What's the hurry? We spend so much time rushing. Rushing to the weekend, to the end of the day, to a vacation, a holiday, or summer. If you spent your entire life waiting for the weekend, you would waste 249 days a year. After just 5 years, that is 1,245 days. Find a reason to have joy during these days. A conversation with a friend, the color of the trees, how the snow falls. If you miss out on the simplicities of life, you are going to waste your life waiting to die.
Post the thirst trap. You aren’t going to look this way forever. You are young and hot xoxo.
You cannot shame yourself into changing. I spent my days last year knowing that I needed to get out of this endless cycle I was in. I didn’t feel whole and instead of spending my energy fixing myself and pulling myself back to the person I wanted to be, I spent my energy hating myself and shaming myself into being different. If I spent my energy, accepting myself at where I was at, I would have been able to make changes that much quicker.
Be your own best friend. You spend all day with her. Laugh at her jokes. Give her a hug. Take her on a cute date. Compliment her outfit. Stand up for her when people are mean.
Everyone girl needs a good denim jacket. So when in doubt, she can wear a Canadian tuxedo.
Find beauty in the unpredictability of life.
Have a picture of 6 year old visible. On your screensaver or mirror. When you are mean to yourself, just know you are being mean to her too. Protect that little girl inside you. If a picture doesn’t remind you, do what she loved to do. Color, ride a bike, play dress up. That little six-year-old girl needs you. You need to love and nurture her.
You cannot love someone into a whole person. If someone does not want to change, they will not. No matter how much you ask or love them.
Stop trying to fit yourself into spaces and places you have outgrown. I will say it again - STOP TRYING TO FIT YOURSELF BACK INTO PLACES YOU HAVE OUTGROWN.
Have a healthy diet. Not what you eat, but the media you consume. The energy you surround yourself with. What you read. The places you go. Unfollow Instagram pages that are harmful to you. Back away from people that talk negatively. Read uplighting books and listen to songs that feel good. Make sure the spaces you are in are what is the healthiest diet for you.
Be cocky. You are allowed to think you are hot sh*t.
College can feel very lonely. But bask in the loneliness. Use that loneliness to find yourself. This is a time in your life to try on different lenses, personalities, and styles. Sit in the loneliness and think about what you want in your life. Who you want to be. Who you want to be around. Lonely times are when you truly find yourself.
There are very few problems that a good song and a quick little dance can’t help. It’s not gonna solve the whole thing, but it will feel better after the dance.
You will always have another chance. If this weekend sucked, you have another chance next weekend. If you fail your exam, you have a chance to study better again next time. If you make a bad first impression, you have another chance to fix it. You’ll get another chance at happiness. At love. At success. You can’t reverse time, accept what happened, and make changes so that at your next chance you do it the way you want.
Here's to my 20s. I enter a new decade feeling like I have started to become whole. I have fallen in love with this version of myself and my life, and hope the same for my 20s. To another year around the sun.