The Joys of Female Friendships

Carrie, Samantha, Miranda, and Charlotte. 

Blanche, Dorothy, Rose, and Sophia. 

Cher, Tai, and Dionne

Everywhere in the media: books, television, and movies, we see the trope of female friendships, spread far and wide. The clichè used to keep shows going for seasons and seasons on end. For me, I think female friendships are truly the greatest simplicity this life has to offer.

Female friendships get a bad rap. In the media and in reality. Catty drama, unspoken competition, and the whispers behind each other's back. From my youth watching Brooke Davis and Peyton Sawyer to my later days spent watching the Bachelor. Women and their friendships in general, are often portrayed dishonest and unloyal. With the accompanied hair pulling and name calling. Like I said, a bad wrap. 

It wasn’t until I lived in a house with 37 other girls, I truly stopped to think about the clichè that has remained the most constant in my life. 

Here’s a post to the female friendships in my life, the long and short, fast and slow, constant and sporadic. Finding them, keeping them, and losing them.

I was first introduced to this beauty in my life through a great mother-daughter parallel. My mom has her best friend, Rene. When reuniting on their daughter's first day of preschool, her flamboyant and extravagant daughter found friendship in my older sister, Caitlin. They were opposites in almost every way, a similarity that rang true for my sister and I. We joked that there was a mistake and that it was actually Ally and I that were sisters. I miss the carefree sensation I felt when I would spend time with young Ally and Caitlin. Even at the age of four and with a small three-year difference, I looked up to them both so much. Our biggest worry was if our routine to When I Grow Up by the Pussycat Dolls was finished by the time my dad called us all for dinner, so we could perform it after. The friendship between the three of us was a constant in my life. It still is. The sweet simplicity of it. Periodically we meet up for sushi. My mom, Rene, Caitlin, Ally, and I. During the different seasons and reasons, we catch up over raw fish. The discussion of the different aspects of each other’s lives we have become strangers to, combined with the reminiscing on the simple times of 7-year-old versions of us. 

I have a few very specific memories of the five of us, but one feels the most real to me now. It was the season finale of Hannah Montana. My mom and Rene cried. As young kids, we laughed at their sensitivity. They seemed ridiculous to us. As I have grown a little older, I deeply understand why they found sadness in the ending of the show, a small closing in an era of our young female childhood. 

This was the beginning of what would be a long road of female friendship. Most more complicated and complex than that with Ally and Caitlin.

I got a little older, not by much, and began elementary school. Elementary school was an interesting time for fostering friendships. It was the time when you did not have a birthday party unless every single girl in your class was invited. Invitations to Plaster Fun Time were passed out at the beginning of the day, welcoming every last girl. It was where you would be called into the guidance office (a small corner classroom off the cafeteria) if it was even suspected you had made a girl feel left out. Although there was beauty in this, there was a false sense of comfortability in friendships. Young us believed this would last forever. Still, the environment allowed for beautiful friendships to form me. Four that even brought me all the way to high school graduation.

The beauty of every girl being invited did not last past elementary school. Moms organizing playdates for their daughters ended abruptly. We became our own people, and the friendships became some of their own too. I find beauty in the messiness of this era of friendships. It was the subtweeting on finstas and the secret meet-ups after school where certain girls weren’t allowed. It was petty and stupid, but I think it was necessary for all of us. In some ugly way. 

We were all becoming our own people. We made mistakes and failed. I think if I did high school all over again I would have done a lot of these friendships differently. But I can’t change that. And all the tangled and confusing ups and downs were meant to happen that way. 

I still find beauty in the women I ended high school with that were there from the beginning (You all know who you are). We grew up together and my most insufferable and chaotic moments have been filled with you all. As we are all spread out now, we begin to navigate how we still fit in each other's lives. We share new characters and plot lines with each other that the others are oblivious to. We catch during breaks, as opposed to every morning on the bus.

During high school, I never felt comfortable exploring myself at my own school, and I took refuge in a nearby all-boys school (a whole different story for another time).  Looking back on that time period of my life, I am most grateful for the female friendships that I got out of it. I left a boy school with two girls close to my heart, Grace and Stephanie. 

When I dealt with heartbreak this year, it was these two women who pulled me out of it. The comfort and empathy I received made me realize the emphasis we put on romantic relationships as a society. I spent my time fostering a dynamic between me and a boy when I could have spent my energy basking in the joy these two women brought me. I regretted the time lost with friends and mourned the parts of myself this boy made me lose. The women in my life helped me find these pieces I thought were gone forever. 

I made a pact as I entered my college years that I would no longer place a higher value on my romantic endeavors than the joy of female friendships. Go on a date with your friends, let your girlfriend compliment on your outfit mean more than a boy, and keep your female friendships close.

This got easier with college. The idea of keeping them close translated into living with them. The girls I held near and dear to me, I had a permanent sleepover with. The need to talk to someone required a knock on the door closest to me. Close took a whole new meaning.

Today, I live in a sorority house with 37 other girls (Good thing I see value in female friendships because I now pay for them now… just kidding). Living in this house I witness the beauty of these bonds every day. It has become so special to me in the last few weeks. 

Sharing clothes. Helping each other with everything from studying to Instagram captions. Finding the perfect lighting for each other on the staircase. The clichè moments within a sorority house that filmmakers would probably poke fun at in their films. I find beauty in it all. 

To all my girlfriends,

This is my love letter to you all.
Xoxo Liv